The Love of a Father
by xxPurpleStars3xx
Summary: John tries to be a better father. Sometimes it doesn't necessarily work out.


**Disclaimer: I don't own Dawson's Creek.**

He didn't know, but you weren't passed out. You heard everything he said about how you weren't a good father. About how you were supposed to love him and how you gave up on him. It broke your heart in thinking that your son didn't think his father loved him.

_I do love you_, you thought. _I'll be better._

But you break that promise as soon as you walk away from him holding that trophy, telling him that he was a loser and he wouldn't have many more chances for something like that. You feel terrible as you break that promise.

_I do love you_, you think. _I'll be better._

You constantly compare your sons together. Doug to Pacey, and it always comes out Doug. The one that followed in your footsteps. The one that was good at school; that actually _tried_.

You don't seem to care about how your son is doing better in school. How his girlfriend has made him feel better. You don't know her, but you don't care.

She moves away to get better, and you don't understand why your son is upset. You tell him not to screw up on his finals. That you know he's going to screw up. And you break your promise again.

_It's just some girl_, you think as your youngest son moves around in slump. _She doesn't matter_.

But when Pacey punches you, you don't think that he could have grown up even more than. He leaves you and returns to the house. You follow him shortly after, having cleaned up everything you can from the fire.

The next day, after you've had a long discussion about at the station with the Leerys and Joey, there's a phone call.

"Hey, is Pacey there?" the soprano voice asks.

"No, this is his father," you say.

There was silence on the other side of the line for a few seconds.

"Hi," she continued, a little bit awkwardly. "It's Andi. Pacey's girlfriend."

It clicks in your head. The girl that went away because she was a little off.

"Hi," you reply. "Pacey's actually not here."

"Yeah. I just wanted to talk to him."

"I'll take a message."

And as she gives you the message and tells you everything that he's done for her, you realize that you aren't allowed to say bad things about her, especially to your son. You know next to nothing about her. You didn't know about what they had been through together.

You didn't even know the slightest thing about what had happened in the past six months when Pacey was with this girl.

"I love him so much. He's my hero," Andi says, and your heart swells.

Your son? A hero?

"He's pretty great."

Again, there's a silence, like she doesn't believe you. Maybe she doesn't. No doubt she's heard many things about you. No doubt bad things from the things you've heard and done in the past few months.

The promises you make to yourself and you silently make to him. The promises of love that you barely—if ever—tell him.

"I've actually gotta go. My time's up. Can you give him a hug for me, Mr. Witter?" Andi asked.

"Yeah. Have a good day, Andi," you say.

"You too, Mr. Witter."

You call the school and explain what Pacey had been through.

"Yes, we'll let him make up the finals," somebody says after you explain it to them.

You need to talk to Pacey, you know. You know he'll be at the docks. It's the only place that he goes to calm down, besides Dawson's house and Andi's house.

You walk up to your son almost ashamed of the sixteen years of torture you've given him

"What are you doing here?" Pacey asks as he notices you come up to him.

You feel even more ashamed of yourself.

"Well for starters, you punched me," you say, speaking the obvious.

"Well, if you came looking for an apology, you're barking up the wrong tree."

"No, I don't need one." The next few words take all the courage you have to say them, "I deserved it." Your son looks at you in confusion. Like he can't believe you said that. "And good for you for doing it. You got another phone call today. From Andi. We talked for a long time. She's, uh, she's kinda chatty that one."

Pacey smiles, remembering his girlfriend, and last night's conversation came back to you. About how you couldn't say anything about her because you didn't know her.

"Yeah, she is," Pacey replied.

"Sounded sweet as Hell, Pacey," you say. "So I'm sorry for what I said yesterday. I really don't know anything about her."

"Apology accepted."

You feel better, but not totally. On one hand, you're son forgives you for his girlfriend. On the other, he doesn't necessarily forgive you for the last sixteen years.

"I'm not done," you continue, and Pacey turns back to you. "As little as I know about her, I know less about you, my own son. I realize that as what Andi was trying to fill me in on what you've been through."

You see your son's bottom lip start to tremble, like he's just about to cry.

_This is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do_, you think.

"I didn't know about any of that. She said you were her hero." And Pacey sniffles, and now you know he's going to cry. "It's nice to hear. Anyway, I called the school and explained things to them and they're gonna let you make up the finals next week when you feel up to it."

"Thank you," Pacey says.

"It's the least I could do." And now Pacey looks at you, almost in astonishment. Like he couldn't believe he was having _this_ conversation with his father.

_Does he still love you?_ You ask yourself. You don't want to think about the answer. It was be too hard.

"I'm sorry that I couldn't be the type of father you felt you could share your story with," you apologize. Your heart breaks as you see your youngest son cry. "There's just one other thing here. Andi wanted me to give you something."

You awkwardly hug your crying son, something you hadn't done in years. Something you were sure that you would do again, anytime he needed you.

That moment came all too soon, because as you pull away, he pulls you back and cries into your shoulder. You hug back as hard as you can, letting Pacey know you love him and that you're here for him.

That you're sorry for everything that you've ever done to make him feel that you never loved him, when in reality, you' love him more than anything.

"I miss her so much," Pacey sobs. "I miss her so much it's killing me, Pop."

"I know you do, son, I know."

You stand there a few more minutes, your uniform getting wetter and wetter with your son's tears, but you don't care.

Every time that your son's needed you, you haven't been there. Your son seems to not know that he's loved. That he can come to you for anything.

Especially about Andi being away. And that's exactly what you do.

Because the love of a father runs deep, and you need to show him that he _can_ come to you for anything.

"I love you," you say as he pulls back.

He wipes away the tears and red eyes away, from his shirt.

"I love you too, Pop," he says.

You walk home together and nothing could be better in that moment.

_I love you_, you think. _I'll be better._

This time you don't break your promise. This time you keep it.

**So…this almost made me cry while I was writing it. On the other hand, this scene makes me tear up a lot when I watch it. I'm sure I used a line from "I Loved Her First" but it was unintentional, but I still don't own the song!**

**Uh…thanks for reading!**

**Bye!**


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